Update – Boring is Okay

There are two reasons that I’m writing this update today. The first is convenient timing, and the second is slightly odd. The first being that its mental health week and the second is that I read an amazing piece late last week on mental health was written by someone I follow on Twitter. When I read the piece and saw how they opened up their recent struggles, my first initial thought was actually that of guilt, and I tried to think why that might be.

It suddenly clicked. I’ve always been very open regarding my mental health on here and on social media and wrote many blog posts on my battles, but I realised I haven’t really talked about it at all this year, and I suddenly felt huge guilt over it. I almost felt like a bad depressive. Breaking the stigma around mental health is a cause that I feel incredibly strongly about, and I always want to write more, and I feel as though I’m not doing my bit. I think it’s because my depression has almost become very boring. But that’s not a bad thing. In fact, I’m pleased with that.

It means I’m possibly finally coping.

Just about.

It means that I’m getting through life. I’ve written pieces before where I talk about my depression as being a blur, and that perfectly sums it up at this moment. Weeks, months, and now years are just passing by without little thought, and my illness is what it is. I can’t change that, and that is perfectly fine. The problem is how I do I talk about it now, and what do I talk about? It’s almost as if it doesn’t feel right to talk about it if you’re not at your worst.

So where am I now?

I’m in an odd place, to be honest. Although I’m very much not at my worst, I’m still not in a good place. Most days are still a struggle, but I do feel as though I am getting there – heck I’m used to it now, it’s been around 7 years now in fact since my battles with depression began. I haven’t self-harmed for a few months now which is great, and worse thoughts are far and few between.

One big development in my life is at work. I had another promotion back in April and my department’s structure was reshuffled; this has meant that over the summer I have been working evenings, weekends, totalling a few hundred hours of overtime. This, alongside other projects, general life chores, and frankly ridiculous levels of stress have meant very little time for self-care and relaxation, something I really need to work on. My exercise levels and diet have also definitely taken a hit because of this, which of course in turn just makes us feel worse about ourselves.

Anyways, I’ll stop rambling on now. I think the important thing I’ve realised is that I do need to talk about this more because it will be the only way we can break the stigma. Even when there’s not much going on, and it’s a bit boring, talk about it, and if someone talks about it, listen. It’s okay to be in a boring state because it’s better than what it could be. I will take boring any day, but the fight continues, and it always will, and frankly, that’s okay.

Fear of Missing Out

As you log onto social media on a Friday evening you might see a fun-filled timeline. Someone might have got engaged, a lot of people have probably uploaded pictures from pre-drinks, and you might have seen that your best mate got that big promotion they wanted earlier today. What did you do? It never seems to quite compare to everyone else’s day, does it?

I think we all have that innate fear of missing out or FOMO, but some of us feel it more strongly than others. It’s the idea that people are living life better than you, experiencing things you cannot, and seeing people you couldn’t possibly meet. Nearly three-quarters of young adults say they experience this sensation, and there’s no doubting that we’re the first generation to be so highly affected. Mainly this is due to the rise of social media, and the greater insight we get into everyone’s lives.

It’s certainly not fun. It causes a vicious cycle, where despite feeling as though you’re worse off you continue to check social media again and again as to not feel out the loop. You start to check it when you wake up, before you go to bed, whilst eating your meals, in the bathroom, basically any piece of free time that you have. The problem is that this then often leads you to miss out on various other experiences because of this constant need to keep on top of things.

71% admit to making excuses to get out of social events despite feeling as though they miss out, over a third experience stress and anxiety when they do go out, and 30% feel disappointed afterwards. This can then lead the individual to believe they’re not quite doing it right, that everyone else but them has it down to a tee. But it’s okay because that epic moment is just around the corner, you’re an idiot for staying home and you’re missing out, and the process starts again.

Mental Health in the Classroom

Earlier this week was Suicide Awareness Day, a time where many talk the talk regarding helping others, speaking up, and raising awareness. Unfortunately, there clearly isn’t enough walking the walk. To understand why the mental health crisis has exacerbated, we must look to the start. A child’s schooling years are the time that can define their whole life, so surely, it’s the time to act. If physical education lessons are compulsory, why isn’t mental health?

“I have never, in over 20 years of teaching, seen pupils suffer with so much anxiety and other symptoms of poor mental health”, just the words of one teacher in a recent article from Sally Weale. Mental health issues among teenagers are rising rapidly. It’s estimated that 3 children in each classroom have a diagnosable mental health problem, and the NSPCC says that the number of referrals by schools seeking treatment for pupils has risen by a third in the past three years alone. We’re also seeing alarming rises in youngsters hurting themselves – a 70% increase among 10-14-year-olds in Britain – and 1 in 4 are experiencing suicidal thoughts.

So, what is fuelling this dramatic rise? Firstly, it’s worth noting the reasons are plentiful, and I can hardly do them all justice in a blog post, but let’s look at the main few. One overarching theme is the austerity imposed by Tory governments. Between 2010 and 2015 mental health trusts in England had £600 million slashed from their budgets, there are now 5,000 fewer mental health nurses available, and as such waiting times have doubled in the last decade. Schools have also had their purse strings tightened, with 91% facing real-terms cuts which have even led to parents at various schools being asked to donate money towards vital supplies such as stationary, books, and even toilet paper.

Brexit, the Mental Health Syndrome

If it’s somehow passed you by, we are a few months away from self-destruction. The likelihood of a no deal Brexit has drastically increased after recent events in the commons, and contingency plans are now being formed for such a scenario. Industries are planning to stockpile foods, medicines, and fuel if we crash out of the European Union, and the Army are being put on standby to ferry supplies around the country to those without easy access to such goods.

The future of healthcare after Brexit is especially precarious. The government plans to leave the single market and customs union, the arrangements that currently deliver health services, goods, and workforce to the UK. The economy will be taking a drastic hit at a time when the NHS is already chronically underfunded, and pressures are all year round. But there’s one area that doesn’t receive the amount of attention it deserves, the effect of Brexit on mental health.

Firstly, there was the decision itself. To many, the vote to leave was a complete shock and brought about feelings of insecurity due to the uncertain political, economic and personal consequences ahead. All of our lives are dependent on the future deal struck by the government, but especially so are the lives of the 3.2 million EU citizens in the UK and the 1.2 million UK citizens living or working across the EU. For two years now, their lives have been in limbo, unsure of their rights after March 2019. The UK and EU agreed in principle late last year for the same rights to apply to both parties, but a no deal Brexit would throw that out of the window.

The Coffee Shop

I stroll in at 7:30, look around and the place is empty. Absolute bliss. I get my choice of seat, any seat. Do I want to be sitting in the sun? in the shade? Hardback chair? By the window? I spend a good couple of minutes deciding in my head as my order arrives. Heaven knows what I must look like now to the girl behind the counter.

I’m back at the local coffee shop. Those who know me best will know I don’t even like coffee, but as I regularly point out, they do serve other drinks. The idea of popping out to the local Starbucks was never my cup of tea – yes, I had to throw that in – but recently I find myself doing it more and more.

Why? Consider it a form of self-care. Not the drink itself, not the walk (I do plenty of that anyway), but just being there. I live alone and know very few in the area outside of work, so my social calendar is hardly bustling. I struggle to socialise and feel incredibly uncomfortable in most social situations, that doesn’t help. Sure, I get lonely quite often. Most of the time I cope with that. I’ve got pretty used to it. This isn’t a whole pity me situation – most of the time I like the lack of people.

Mental Health in a Busy Life

Juggling work, projects, education, a social life, and finding time for yourself is incredibly tough. When you add into the mix poor mental health, the problems are only heightened, and it’s easy for everything to get on top of you. You find yourself overwhelmed, stressed, your mental health flares, but you don’t have the time to look after yourself. I work full time, have my own place to keep on top of, personal projects I work on, and this really doesn’t leave too much time for much else.

As I’ve written about before here, I am someone who needs to keep myself busy – whether it’s at work or at home. All in all, this is usually a big positive for me and my mental health. The problem is that when I am stuck in a rut and my mental health is a mess, it can be extremely difficult for me to escape terrible thoughts. This then brings other issues including a lack of productivity, and a lack of want to focus on other areas including my social life.

I do struggle with socialising and putting myself out there, and a busy life only adds to that problem. We all have those days where we wake up and say “Right! Today’s the day, a new me”. You imagine yourself becoming this ultra-version of yourself. You’re going to excel at work, take on new projects, pamper yourself, make new friends, and have this incredible social life. Now, usually, by the next day, this has disbanded, and your mental health takes the hit.

Is it even possible to become that person? The one you imagine? No of course not, nothing could compare to that. But here are a few tips to find a better mix and manage your busy life alongside your mental health at the same time.

A Year in Review

What a year it’s been – both for me, and this blog. When asked to describe 2017, people will think Brexit and the election, and despite watching the news in horror for most of the year, this has at least been good for my blog. I definitely haven’t had a shortage of items to write about. At the start of the year, I set myself the challenge of posting a piece a week, and I’ve kept to that without it (in my opinion) being detrimental to the quality.

So, what’s happened this year in my personal life? Not much to be honest. After the host of changes in 2016 which included graduating, new job, moving into my own flat, 2017 has been quiet. I’ve had a good year at work where I’ve had a raise, took on some side projects, and feel I’m getting closer to a promotion. Outside of work I’ve been involved in a lot of my own projects which I’m excited for, but currently I, unfortunately, do not have the time to knuckle down on them as much as I’d like.

2017 is also a year where my mental health has been relatively kind to me. Bar some low points in the autumn I’ve been fairly in control throughout the year, and I hope that can continue into the new year. One disappointment personally is that I am still very single. I obviously do not want to rush into a relationship for the sake of it, but I have been single for a long time now and am extremely sick of it. So, what are some of my highlights of the year…

The Loneliness Epidemic – and My Experiences

For a long time, loneliness has been the hidden demon plaguing so many people and only recently has it finally started to become a hot topic. We are living in a more disconnected society than ever, and loneliness has escalated into an epidemic. More and more people are living alone, and people are spending more time alone as well. In fact, we are the ‘loneliest’ country in Europe. The knock-on effects of this are plentiful, and a big issue to be solved because of the close relationship between loneliness and mental health.

Loneliness has been proved to be linked to increased stress, depression, anxiety, addictions, suicides, and even onto physical health issues such as dementia, high-blood pressure, and self-harm. Loneliness among those in work costs employers around £2.5bn a year and is shown to be twice as bad for older people’s health as obesity and almost as great a cause of death as poverty. This increased the burden on an already strained NHS, so it’s vital that the issues are addressed now.

Generally, when the topic of loneliness is raised it is regarding elderly who live on their own, typically after losing their partner. But often those that are forgotten are young people, who tend to feel lonely more often than those over 55. “Loneliness is a recognised problem among the elderly – there are day centres and charities to help them,” says Sam Challis who works for Mind, but for young people, there aren’t the same services to assist them.

So why is this? Is it simply we’re becoming less social? A poll from YouGov earlier this week would suggest so. Millennials are notably less likely to want to engage with others compared to their elders, with 18-34-year olds more likely to avoid talking to others across all scenarios put forward. Of course, this isn’t the issue, as let’s face it not many people like talking to strangers.

My Self Care Activities

When you suffer from a mental illness, it’s important that you regularly engage in self-care to give your mental health the same attention as your physical health. It’s easy to forget to look after ourselves from time to time, especially when life gets tough and stressful. This is where self-care comes in. Self-care is simply the act of caring for yourself and doing things that you enjoy and benefit from. Whether it’s exercise, relaxing, indulging, introverting, whatever helps you is good!

The first act of self-care is to arguably get to know yourself and learn to spot the signs of when you are struggling to cope. Once you become aware of these signs, it means you can sense them coming, and even plan to combat them. You might find that different activities help with individual situations, and there is not one kind of self-care that fits all for you. Therefore, it’s useful to build yourself a self-care plan, something you can go to. These can be individual plans for specific events, times, and places; you can know what the issues are, and from that know the steps you can take to help make yourself feel better.

Here are some of my self-care activities that may resonate with you:

Keeping myself busy/projects
I am someone who always needs the next project to work on, the next blog post to write, and without that it’s quite easy for me to feel lost. Projects, essays, and lectures at University, loathed by most, was used as a form of self-care for me. Ploughing myself into work was a distraction, albeit not always a healthy one. Even now I like to keep myself as busy as I can whether it be at work or at home.

The Issue of Graduate Depression

Depression and other mental health issues among students are well documented, and finally, are being discussed and treated more and more. From freshers week to final exams, money worries to exhaustion and loneliness, University is riddled with huge pitfalls for students. But, the problems don’t suddenly end there. Everyone focuses on mental health at University, but no one really focuses on the mental health of students after they have graduated.

Graduate depression is a very real thing, and for a lot of students is unexpected. Dealing with major life-changing transitions after university is tough, and it’s taxing for graduates to cope with an overwhelming mix of emotions once they’ve reached the end of their studies. Statistics show that one in four students suffers from depression during their studies, but the problem is that no official figures exist for those who have just graduated, because once students leave university, they seem to slip out off the radar. 95% of those asked by Claire Dyckhoff, do believe that post-university depression is very real, and 87% say there needs to be more exposure shone on it, especially by Universities.

Finishing university is supposed to be a wonderful time. You are free of the constraints of education, and suddenly you find yourself out and thrust into the open world full of possibilities. After three or more years of demanding coursework and gruelling exams, it’s very easy to suddenly be met and overcome with a feeling of ‘what now?’ as you don’t have concrete plans and may not even be too sure what it is you want to do with your life.

Some students might have graduate jobs already lined up, but for a huge majority, this is not the case. We all know it’s a tough market out there too, so graduate jobs can take time to locate and secure. It can feel as though you’re seemingly applying for dozens of jobs, all of which are incredibly competitive, and it is very disheartening to receive rejection after rejection. You feel astounded that all employers seem to want their graduate candidates to have unrealistic experience for an entry-level job, and when every friend and family member constantly quizzes you on what you’re doing next, you just don’t know what to say.